101

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?

No. I don't think so. 
2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?

• I am 18, silly. 

3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?

• This morning. It's always such a mess at home in the morning and everything is oh so hectic. But I was happy that I didn't have to stay for that. 

4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?

• I always do! What harm could it do? 

5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

• Um. Well. Maybe myself. I don't like feelings, you know?

6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?

• Almost every song I listen to reminds me of somebody in my life. A lot of people actually.

7. What exactly are you wearing right now?

• Black stretchy jeans, calf high coffee coloured boots, maroon U of T hoodie and a blue jean jacket. 

8. How often do you listen to music?

• 25/8

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?

• Jeans because I have more of it, but at home I wear a lot of pyjama pants and boxers. 

10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2013?

• It is already 2013 and yes, my life has already changed dramatically. 

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?

• Depends... It's hard for me to start up a conversation but once I'm in it, it's very easy to keep conversing. So I'm both. 

12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’?

• Nope. 

13. What about ‘R’?

• Nah b. 

14. Can you drive a stick shift?

• Yes... however, I don't even have my g1 yet. Woops.

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?

• Not really. Unless you're my "best friend" and probably if I find out we wouldn't be friends anymore by then. And if it's my family, yes. 

16. Are you going out of town soon?

• Nope. :( 

17. When was the last time you cried?

• Last night because of darn Teen Wolf.

18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?

• Yes... love doesn't have to always be romantic, remember?

19. If you could change your eye color, would you?

• GREEN

20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?

• Nah... sowwy not sowwy 

21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.

• I have a French test. 

22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?

• Very cute.

23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?

• Nope. 

24. What are you sitting on right now?

• A cushioned study chair.

25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?

• My friends.

26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

• You mean right now? ... ha ha boi ha ha

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?

• The person I can't have. 

28. Do you get a lot of colds?

• YES. IT'S RIDICULOUS. 

29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?

• I'm wearing an Ed Sheeran t-shirt under my hoodie and my friend got it for me from his TO concert last year :)

30. Does anyone hate you?

• I don't know, I don't care. Probably.

31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?

• I don't have my own bedroom yet. :( If anything, I'd say they'd be Smirnoff lime! 

32. Do you like watching scary movies?

• YES, I LOVE THEM. I actually laugh more than I get scared when I watch them tehe.

33. Do you want your tongue pierced?

• No, they look uncomfortable. I'd like a belly piercing though... probably will never get one cause I'm scared of holes... *lol sounds funny*

34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?

• First year of high school.

35. Did you have a dream last night?

• Yeah. About rain and how my rain boots were a portal to my closet... I don't even know. Honestly, weird dreams.

36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

• I don't know. I seldom say it, the entire "I love you". When I do say it, I usually mean it because when I try to say it I feel uncomfortable. I always stick to "love ya". Haha.

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

• Probably not. 

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

• Nobody likes me. :) ...at least in that way!

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

• I wish! 

40. Did you have a good day yesterday?

• Yes, I did. Quite. 

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?

• Nope. Relationships are okay. Not something that big to fuss about to be honest. I mean if we're so caught up in relationships providing happiness for us... maybe we have to look at what the source of the unhappiness is first. Many cases... that's ourselves. Be happy with yourself first!

42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?

• In about 3 or 4 hours I will see my best friend after 3 years. <3

43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

• Yes, but they probably didn't mean it since they're nowhere in my life right now. 

44. What’s the best part about school?

• Nothing. Kidding. Time away from people you know and meeting new ones and learning, I love learning. 

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?

• A ton. I usually upload a lot to keep my family around the world up to date with my family's lives. 

46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?

• I rarely have any classes with any of my friends. 

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?

• Constantly. Like right now. And Now... and now.

48. Were you single over the last summer?

• Yes. Dead single. I would somehow like to keep it that way.

49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?

• I believe it is so much better. 

50. What are you supposed to be doing right now?

• Aw, ya caught me procrastinating. Supposed to be studying/exercising my French for 11am. Hehe.

51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?

• I'm actually in like with him. 

52. Are you nice to everyone?

• Definitely. Even if you've hurt me, I still give my kindness but I just refrain from being involved with you anymore. Yeah?

53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

• Right now. SHEESH. Chill with these questions man. 

54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

• I'm actually a very faithful person... it's the people that I have been involved with that have hurt me in such a way.

55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?

• 90% of the time. 

56. Do you think you like someone?

• Omg seriously? Yes.

57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’?

• Yes. In like... elementary school days. Hahaha. 

58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?

• I like being friends with girls and boys. Both have up sides and both have downfalls. 

59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?

• Probably all of them because I have my impulsive days. 

60. Do you hate anyone?

• No. I may despise people but I always see the good in everyone even if I do despise them. 

61. How’s your heart?

• Vulnerable but strong. 

62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

• Yes. I can name a ton of memories. 

63. Have you ever cried over a guy?

• Yes. 

64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?

• I don't know. People who care too much about the little things. I don't really give people a reason to talk crap about me.

65. Are your toenails painted pink?

• Coral, actually! 

66. Will your next kiss be a mistake?

• I won't be kissing anyone for a long time. Unless my baby nephew counts <3

67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?

• No. Girls love it when guys are able to be sensitive or communicate at an emotional level. People get this all wrong. 

68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?

• Yes... I fell many times during Freshman year... in a kilt. 

69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?

• My mum. 

70. How do you look right now?

• Like poopoo. I'm starting to feel sick again and I LITERALLY just got better. 

71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?

• A handful of someones. 

72. Can you commit to one person?

• Of course I can. Like I said, that wasn't a problem for me when those times came. 

73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?

• Yes. Pickles, if you're reading this, 'tis you. Also Andrew, and Darrean. 

74. Have you ever felt replaced?

• Always

75. Did you wake up cranky?

• Depends on my physical condition... if it's my time of the month, I just dread the day. 

76. Are you a jealous person?

• Not crazy jealous, maybe a little envious at times but it depends on what. I'm not very materialistic so emotionally I may get a little jealous at times.

77. Are relationships ever worth it?

• If you're in the right one.

78. Anyone you’re giving up on?

• Yes. 

79. Currently wanting to see anyone?

• Yes... three hours are going by so slow. 

80. Name something you have to do tomorrow?

• STUDY. Darn exams. 

81. Last person you cried in front of?

• I don't know. It was a long time. I keep the tears to myself and the four walls of the bathroom. 

82. Is there someone you will never forget?

• Of course. We always have those people in our lives. 

83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?

• I'm guessing he cares, but it's whatever. No. Not protective. 

84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?

• She and I would cry in happiness of seeing each other after 3 years! 

85. Are you over your past?

• I'm proud to say that I am. F Y'ALL. 

86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?

• Not really. 

87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?

• The Big Man upstairs. 

88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

• To be honest, to look back at it I think I was just extremely infatuated with people. I don't consider them my first love so if they came to my door.... erks... I'd say. "Are you dumb? You're dumb. Leave me alone. You dumb dummy." But more vulgar. 

89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?

• So you mean nobody arrives at my door at 3am? Good, because I'd like to sleep. 

90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

• Yeah, well they didn't hate him. They didn't approve because they knew something horrible would happen. And something horrible did happen. But it's not like I could have just... left my feelings right? It had to happen, I'm glad it did though.

91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?

• I won't be in a relationship in 200 years. Kidding. Probably not. 

92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael?

• Yeahaaeoaeahup.

93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?

• Nadda!

94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?

• I was just talking to somebody. It was actually turning out great at that point... at least in my eyes!

95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March?

• Yeah. I was. But I don't think he was happy with me.

96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?

• Yup.

97. Who do you have texts from?

• Rizelle. Paul. Camille. Andrew. Christian. Mariz. Nina. Chris. Steven.

98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

• They already do like someone else. Gheez. These question suck balls! 

99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

• Ya, they sucked at kissing. 

100. Who’s in your profile picture with you?

• Meeeeeeeeee just me. 

101. Ever kissed under fireworks?

• Nahhhhhhh! Sounds nice though but I'd rather watch the fireworks to be honest. I'm a sucker for them. 

Little Things

What I believe makes a person beautiful are not the extravagant things that they show to the world, but the little details you see when you catch them off guard... who they are in their natural state. Not their clothes, makeup, muscles, features, etc... I know this is so darn cliche but it's something I appreciate and notice so much. The way somebody looks like when they're asleep, the way they breathe, how they wake up. The way someone looks at you, the way they speak, things they smile at. The way they treat others, their mannerisms/gestures/phrases. How they yawn, laugh, pout, blush, hide, burp, blink, speak. The way they style their hair, the way they watch movies, how they eat. We always miss these kind of things that are around us, I think we should appreciate them more. Not in a way that we tell them that we appreciate these things about him or her or whoever, because if we tell them we are "watching" them (of course, not in a creepy way), the natural-ness is lost. They may change a bit because they become conscious of themselves. This is not the point. The point is to see, instead of look, and love what we see. It doesn't even have to be in a romantic way, because this can apply to anybody in this world. It's the little things, little habits, little mannerisms that differentiate us from the person next to us. Embrace it. :)

<3 Little Mer

Unplanned Days

I believe unplanned days are the best. Last minute plans are the best. You're not forced to expect what is going to happen today it just happens and the way things happen can be such a good feeling. Today I woke up dreading today because I felt like nothing great was going to happen, that I'd just be cooped up in my room studying all day. Although I stayed home today, it was one of those beautiful stay at home days. I carved pumpkins for the first time. I usually just draw what I would want on it but this time I was on my own, drawing and carving all by myself. I was kind of hesitant because it looks difficult, and at times it is. It's a lot of work especially when you're elbow deep in pumpkin juice in windy weather! It was an awesome experience and I felt so homey. I created an Angry Birds and Jack Skellington jack-o-lantern! I'm excited to see them glow tonight! I also got a lot of work done at the same time so I'm pretty much on top of my school work which is an amazing feeling to know how productive one can be in a day. My family is also eating much healthier which makes me happy but today we decided to go all out for dinner. My sister prepared a special Indian dinner, we made some bubble tea and I baked some cookies. Days like these just don't happen so it's such a great day to document this. :)

<3 Little Mer

Independence

I consider myself to be independent. I've learned and been through many experiences that have shaped me who I am today. These drastic situations were blessings because I'm extremely happy with who I am. Yes, I do get days where I feel like I have done nothing with my life and I am a total disappointment, but days like those are just examples of lessons in disguise. Never change who you are unless you believe you are improving yourself, for yourself. Do not change for anybody else, do not feel obliged to please anyone. Lead your own life. Fall in an out of love or faith and find your way back. Yes, there are things where we may need a little guidance, but through that guidance, we learn once again, to guide ourselves when similar situations arise. We have to push ourselves forward, we cannot blame others for the consequences in our own lives. What is the point? What does blaming do? Accept it and go. I know it may not seem as easy, such as heartbreak, moving away or even losing a loved one... it's hard to be independent. As outrageous as they may seem... they are blessings, whether they reveal themselves now or later. We should not fantasize pain, or indulge it in for a long time. I may come off harsh sometimes when I feel a problem should know me recognized as a huge problem. We should... get over it. We're so fortunate to have the things we have. But we complain that we do have too much... when majority around the world have nothing at all. Use your independence wisely. We are temporary beings. We do what we have to do... why not be happy doing it? Why not be selfless? Why not be passionate? What I believe is flawed in this generation is that we ask for so more but complain about all that we already have. If we took away all the material things in life... what else would we have? Many would say "nothing", but I say "everything". We are so much more than we possess.

Thanksgiving & "Move-Ember"

Thanksgiving has just passed here in in Canada but it doesn't mean we can't talk about or be thankful another day right? I haven't written in a while because life has been super hectic because of exams and all that, but I'm finally on reading week, which is a week off from school! No new readings, tests, or assignments... for now.

Anywho, it is one of my favourite holidays for many reasons. At least for me, it's a day where people can come together and be thankful for the life they have and so much more. I'm thankful for so many things, too many things to even list. I think we need days like Thanksgiving to remind us to actually be thankful, appreciate what we have even if it is something we consider to be "so little" it may be so much in terms of other people's lives around the world... and people would kill to be where we are and who we are. Are the things we are thankful make us who we are? Whether it be the music we listen to, the food we eat, the clothes we wear, the activities we take part it... I believe it is. That's why it's so important we need be thankful for what we have because in some cases it is who we are and how we have come to be.

For Thanksgiving, my family traditionally has dinner together, as many families do. During our regular daily lives, our schedules prevent us from ever catching up and being together, all together. We usually have a very generic turkey meal, veggies with mashed potatoes (I love mashed potatoes oh so much), and pumpkin pie and ice cream and all that! However, this year we feasted with some relatives from California and watched the basketball game (my babies, the Raps, were playing). I'm a total basketball fanatic and it always makes everything else better, haha. Instead of the general turkey dinner, my family prepared some delicious Filipino plates so everything felt more homey. We spent the night catching up and telling stories and the next morning we were on a trip to Montreal, Kingston, Ottawa and Quebec. We had to leave at 6, but I ended up getting half an hour of sleep and made it through the day.

As long as I can remember I've always been mesmerized by France and Paris and all of Europe and it has been a dream of mine to travel there. I had a glimpse of that during this trip and it was so beautiful. The architecture, the boutiques and shops, carriages, wonderful pastries, beautiful views and nature, downtown, statues and sculptures, cobblestone roads, wonderful weather... everything was delightful and made me such a happy girl. I'm so thankful for these opportunities to spend with my family. I hope everybody had a heartwarming Thanksgiving!

On a side note, as a little update, I have started "Move-Ember" early. As my family events have been occurring consecutively, November has been the only month where there aren't many events. Which means, no extra pounds being gained! Move-Ember is my work out month, which I work extremely hard in everything I do, not just body-wise: relationships with family and friends, relationship with myself, my faith, my school work etc. It's a time to find yourself after having such a busy year, to prepare myself for the holidays and another new blessed year. Here are the rules!

• No junk food except for Friday nights... no food past 11pm. 
• Pamper yourself at the end of each week
• Running 2-5k every morning, do something active, MOVE
• Complete 10 sketches, anything, just keep the mind working!
• Read 3 books & maximum of 7 television shows each week (1 per day)
• Work out at the gym 3 days a week 
• Sunday family time and read some scriptures every night or morning
• No more unnecessary shopping! 
• Study... study well
• Take risks... any will do 

The point of this is to use a non-stressful month to create habits that will persevere during the crazy ones! I hope this works out and I can check every item off the list :) Start your own Move-Ember!

<3 Little Mer 

Gloomy

Today is one of those days where I feel my good enough is not good at all. My best is not the best. It's nothing, to me or to anybody. I feel very discouraged today. Everybody wants me to do this and that for them but I barely have time to do the things I need, let alone want, to do for myself. What am I supposed to do? Is it wrong that I have to prioritize certain things? I can't please everybody. And when I don't, they slap me, sting me, stab me, slice me with those words that hurt. What am I doing wrong? Would it be better if I didn't exist? I don't even have time to figure out who I am and the list of things to do is endless. I feel everything I've done in the past has been a bad idea since it got me to this point. I feel like such a disappointment to everybody and ultimately that makes me a disappointment to myself. I'd just like to know what I am doing wrong. Is it that hard to be proud of me once in a while? Or acknowledge that I have done something good? It seems all I do is a mistake... I am a mistake. If I'm not good enough, why don't people just let me go? 

<3 Little Mer