These Are a Few of My Favourite Things

Well... they did say that lists are great so here's one! Just about my utter most favourite feelings in the entire world.

1. When the sun shines through your window in the afternoon and warms up the carpet and you just sit there enjoying the sunlight with your favourite music on and maybe with a book and it's just great.

2. When the hot water hits your back after a long day and you just close your eyes and stand there... or when you dip your legs into your bubbly bath and just sink and... yeah.

3. Going to bed when it's raining outside and having a little Ed Sheeran play in the back with a little bit of candle light.

4. Summer breezes and sitting on the warm grass. Spring showers and watching which raindrop reaches the bottom first or jumping in puddles with rubber boots on. Stepping on crunchy leaves and collecting them and the smell of change. The way the sun makes the snow sparkle and the first steps in fresh fallen snow.

5. Floating on your back in the ocean and just staring at the sky in silence. Or collecting seashells and glass!

6. The moment after you feel the burn in your stomach from laughing too hard for so long.

7. When you continue talking with someone the entire day... and it's not just small talk. It's just "wow... you kept up a conversation with me the entire day". And they become someone you just tell everything to.

8. Singing along to The Sound of Music while wrapped around a knitted blanket with a bowl full of popcorn and candy... yum!

9. When you're at an elevation where you can see the tops of the trees or the city and the sunshine coming through.

10. Wearing your favourite pear of jeans that you wear religiously right after picking them out of the dryer... it's like somebody's hugging your legs!

I guess that's it for now. Can't wait to figure out the rest. Can't wait for someone to try to figure out the rest.

<3 Little Mer

Stargirl

She was elusive. She was today. She was tomorrow. She was the faintest scent of a cactus flower, the flitting shadow of an elf owl. We did not know what to make of her. In our minds we tried to pin her to cork-board like a butterfly, but the pin merely went through and away she flew. 

I recently started rereading the novel, Stargirl, to finish off my goal of reading 60 books per year. Besides that, it got me thinking about myself... and I never took the time to really do this. I know I've changed over the course of this blog's existence, which isn't too long, so it's amazing how quick people change (good or bad). So today, without sounding conceited, this post will be about me. I'm sure I've written many blog posts about me, facts, dreams, aspirations, goals, but I still don't feel that if my future me would read this, they wouldn't grasp who I really was at this point. Then it came to a point where I feel maybe a part of my identity has been lost... or I just haven't discovered it yet? Writing this may not even help my future self understand me, they're moreso thoughts that have crossed my mind frequently and I decided to jot them down. Maybe I should write about the reasons I do the things I do etc... I'm not sure, but here we go! 

So I have a Tumblr blog as well usually for things I find funny and photography and stuff. Just a little bundle of things that I like. Right now it's called "godiche-veritable.tumblr.com" and I haven't change the name in a while. I like the ring to it. It means "the silly truth" in French. I'm not sure why I wanted it to be that. Maybe because I believed that sometimes the truths to things are so simple and that we find it so silly because we're always looking for a more complicated truth. The title on my Tumblr is "La Mer" and that also translates into something French: the sea, the ocean, the water. It's also my name, Merissa. So I thought it was perfect because I like to compare myself as that. As Michelle Williams once said "I want to be like water, slip through fingers but hold up a ship." What I took in from that quotation was that I don't want people to hold me like they truly understand me. Like the ocean, there is so much left to discover, and with me, there's always something to be discovered. But at the same time, I'm able to support people, they are able to trust me, but that's my dilemma sometimes because they don't like to trust people who come off as a mystery to them. Even though I'm probably dehydrated for most of the day, I love water. As in, I love the way I float on it, the way it feels when it falls on my skin and how I can flow with it, and coming up from underwater. Those are three of my favourite feelings. 

I love to stay cultured. As much as there is to discover about me, I love discovering the world... through literature, photographs, films, every way possible. I believe that the more cultured you are, the more you come to appreciate the world. I don't know why there is so much pressure to be in a homogenized culture. I think we should celebrate nonconformity. So many people I know are just like some other people I know and it goes and on and on. Almost everyone looks the same, talks the same, does the same things in the same ways... because they are too worried about what everybody thinks when they don't. I think we should embrace uniqueness.

I am probably the hugest (but weirdest) hopeless romantic... because I really do not like being corny. I like being extraordinary but not in the way that is flashy and demands that everyone look at me or us. I'm not one for PDA or just in it for sex. I like the little things that people do when they're not aware they're doing them. I also don't want to be the "girlfriend or the skank". I'd like to be like someone nobody has ever met before and not because I try to be that way, but because I genuinely am someone they've never encountered. I believe in opening doors for people, smiling at strangers, kissing hands, etc. I also hate using "babe, baby, etc." I do not want to be labelled, I want to be known by my significant other. I want them to give me something to talk about because "forever is a long time to make small talk". Which means I don't really want to be with someone who's 100% like me. It'd be great to agree on things but different interests means you learn about new things and come to appreciate them. Some of the things I'd like to end up doing with my significant other include: saving up for a pick up truck and go camping in the back one day, just drive... drive anywhere, near or far, bake together, read together under the sunlight, paint fights, dancing with no music on... much more. I know, I said I don't like being corny but... I appreciate sentimental things than them being merely romantic? Does that make sense? I'm still trying to figure out a way to explain this part of me but I guess that'll take a bit more time. 

I like to get lost. Because when we're so sure on where we're headed, we usually lose focus on things that should be focused on more. Everything around us has so much value but we just.... forget it and it's sad. We should get off our devices once in a while, do things without them and just be. Be one with the world. Observe people. We should also stop complaining about life because hey... if you're alive and able to complain, you should be able to appreciate and I think we should be doing that more often. We should stop judging people by the things they possess. Materialism is out of control these days. We make the best out of what we have and judging people on that is just pointless. We should bust our big, prideful heads out of our asses and see how great life is right now. It can be better... but it can also be worse. Another way I like "getting lost" is when I'm listening to music and think that the song was written for me. I close my eyes and listen and try to picture how the song would play out, maybe something simple or maybe even something "boring" compared to the bizzaro crap you see in music videos nowadays. You just picture yourself in the song, feel the words... I don't know. You just lose yourself into the music. That's another great way of getting lost. This goes for books too!

Some days I need to be alone as well. I feel really congested (mentally) throughout the week if I don't take a day for myself. These are essential. I just need to be in my room, close the door, lay on the warm carpet, play my favourite songs, read a book, draw, blog, just do anything, for myself. Even when my week looks busy, I still need to do this at least for half a day. Take long, hot showers, put my phone away, wear my favourite pyjamas, and just lay back on the carpet. It's sort of like just peeling the band-aid off and you're just cleaning up the wound? I usually take Saturdays to do this so I'm ready to spend time with my family the next day. If somehow I can't take these "days off" then I get really cranky and moody throughout the day. Being around people 24/7 is exhausting, I understand. So I understand when other people get frustrated... they should consider this idea. It's okay to be distant, and it's okay to like it. 

Hmm... I'm not sure what else to write about. I feel much more relieved now. Hopefully soon I'll come up with more interesting, fun posts such as a room tour, the holidays, or my winter essentials. Something like that. As for right now, I'm going to take one of my famous long, hot showers that I adore so much.

Oh, and here's a list of the songs I'm really enjoying this month:

1. Friends - Band of Skulls
2. Cobrastyle - Teddybears 
3. Girls Like You - The Naked and Famous 
4. Diane Young - Vampire Weekend 
5. Anne with an E - Pains of Being Pure at Heart
6. It's Time - Imagine Dragons 
7. Jerk It Out - Ceasars 
8. Vampire's Kiss - John Gold 
9. Teenage Daydream - The Nights 
10. Silly Boy - The Blue Van 
11. Sweet Louise - The Belle Brigade
12. Someday - The Strokes 
13. My Body - Young the Giant 
14. We're #1 - The World Record 
15. Sail - Awolnation 

<3 Little Mer

The First Time

It's been a crazy couple weeks here. I've gotten a ton of bad news lately so I've just been trying to cope. The way I cope is keeping things to myself and watch movies and fantasize about things. I recently watched "The First Time" with Dylan O'Brien, who happens to be my dream boy. Whenever I watch films, I like to compare myself to the characters and see how similar I am to them or how I can relate etc. I fall in love with too many fictional characters, haha...quite sad, but oh well. Most of the time I fantasize about how I would be in a relationship. I feel like I'd be a very messy person or that nobody would be able to really handle me or things like that. I worry about these things. I know, I shouldn't, and that "there is someone out there for me" but you just can't help but wonder who you will end up with. My views on relationships and love has changed so much. I used to be into all the mushy things... and now I can barely stand them. I've grown so independent and I'm not sure if that's a setback in a relationship. I like being independent, but does it make sense that I'd like to be independent alongside somebody? Also... sex. Sex, I'm afraid of it. I believe in waiting, I believe in making it meaningful, even if it's awkward... it'll be meaningful, awkward sex... and that should be okay with both sides. (This is basically what the movie was about). I used to care about the meaningless stuff. Like random dates, cuddling, kissing, mini surprises (the things people feel obligated to do in a relationshiop) etc. That stuff is great but what I really care about now when it comes to relationships are the hobbies he does, how he likes listening to music, how he appreciates my random thoughts, what I want to eat for dinner, doing spontaneous things etc... the content of the relationship, not focused on how it's portrayed or the way we do the things we do. Just... something simple that can gradually and potentially become something simply special. (This was such a burst of random thought, not really sure where this is going). But anyways... I found a quote that just explains a lot about what I'm looking forward to...

"All I want, like in the world, is to just keep talking to you. I wanna know how your day was, where you wanna eat and I wanna argue with you. And I wanna hear all your theories, even the ones that are completely, you know, wrong. And I know it’s not that simple, but I think – no, I really believe if you just, if you’d just be willing to continue this conversation with me, then we can figure the rest out."

Catching Fire

Today, I was feeling a little bit bummy. Everything was a little off for me. I tried so hard to focus on things that I really needed to focus on (my health essay, in particular) but I was working extremely slowly and just got so frustrated. I ended up taking too many breaks and barely got anything done. I just told myself to absorb this bummy feeling for today and work on this tomorrow. I found moments where I just really wanted to cry and I wasn't sure why. I just felt very unimportant today. I usually keep things like this to myself but it's not like many people even read my blog anyway, they're probably people that don't even know who I am and some close friends. Maybe that's the point. So many people don't even know who I really am, but it's my choice to stay hidden, to be mysterious. Many people may claim to know me very well, but they know the things that I let them know. What happens when I'm suddenly gone? They will never know. But I'm also scared that if they see the deepest, darkest parts of my heart they'll be afraid, they'll either walk away, or shove it off. I'm not ready for that. I'd like to say I am, that I'm independent and that I don't need anybody who walks away in a flicker of light, but regardless, it hurts. I don't want to hurt anymore. And I think that's what the main feeling today was... hurt, and I don't even know why. Maybe it's because I hold too many secrets, maybe it's because I felt I wasn't worth for someone to miss, and I try to hold in the tears but some days I feel like my bubble is bloated and sometimes I just need to let it leak a bit so I can hold it in much longer... if that makes sense. 

My sister took my mother and I out for my mom's anniversary... (my parents aren't in a very nice position in their relationship right now) and that made me dread today even more. How I wish they'd try... it takes two. But they always expect the other to change. Anyways, enough of that. I just wish... I just wish everyone under this roof was happy, even if that means my needs are sacrificed. (I feel like I'm being so ungrateful by venting all of this but I think this post was well needed). 

Where was I? Oh yes, we went out today. We watched a film, Catching Fire. I've read the books plenty of times and I'm not a very picky person when it comes to books and films and so I loved it, I thought it was perfect. I guess it's because sometimes I see things in the film that mean a lot more than they come off as, or I find some symbols or I listen and take in the comments of others in the theatres, especially my mother's and sister's since they haven't read the books and didn't know what was coming next. It was a very nice way to see things in a new light, their expectations and ideas made the movie a lot better. Not to mention their cute little snarky comments about costumes and how beautiful the actors looked (and boy, they were stunning). A little part of me inside was still numb though. But nonetheless, I had an enjoyable time. I really appreciated the film and the acting and the makeup and costumes... I loved Effie so much as well. I saw there was so much passion. And then it hit me... I haven't done much of what I'm passionate about lately... and I may have lost what I thought it was. So I'm on my way, on a journey, on a quest, to find out what that is. Maybe it was something I hated doing years ago... or maybe it's still the same thing. When I find out, I'll be sure to get back to you.

(Do you also ever feel that you'll constantly miss someone and realize they're never going to miss you the way that you do? It sucks)

To end it off... I'd like to say Rest In Peace Paul Walker... Regardless if I was a fan or not of his films, my heart aches at every death that comes to mind... it aches often. I'm never sure how to react or comfort those affected by these tragedies... I just feel very numb. It does not matter whether I was personally close to somebody or not, I cherish every precious life and it terrifies me so much. I'm going to end it here before I get too emotional and it gets too hard to breathe. My heart goes out to his family and friends and loved ones... 

<3 The Little Mer

Big Changes

As you can tell from the title, you will be reading about some big changes and some things that I have found important that has happened. Maybe you'll understand why I haven't written in a while 

1. I have been studying for my first ever university midterms. I didn't know what to really expect coming, a lot of things have been warned about them. I've come to a conclusion that I absolutely despise multiple choice questions. No matter how "easy" they may seem, it's just a hit or miss and some of them are so tricky that you consider every answer as a darn possibility. I've always despised this system... as Einstein said: "Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." We've got so many different talents and ideas we can offer the world... through this system it holds us back! Anyways, got caught off track... where was I? Oh, yes. Midterms. It's hard... I've been studying my butt off and somehow it barely gets me anywhere. Not sure how to fix this, but I'm just trying not so hard to believe I'm stupid after all these midterm results.
2. I'm growing into a vegetarian lifestyle. A lacto-ovovegetarian lifestyle, to be exact! I've always seriously considered it but I wasn't sure how my family would react. They obviously don't think about it as a serious issue, eating meat... neither did I, at least not a huge issue. So what changed my mind? I recently was assigned a psychology assignment about the question "Should Humans Eat Meat?" It wasn't supposed to be formal, I'm guessing, so it was just mainly opinion based answers and you didn't really have to choose a side. I did my research and went with "no, we shouldn't eat meat". Anyways, that's not the point, the point is that the next part of the assignment was to edit your peers' work. So I did. However most of them attached videos in their assignments and if you don't already know... I'm a visual learning. Ideas hit me hard when I SEE things. I saw so many horrifying things, more horrifying than the other videos I've ever watched before. I'm trying to keep it vague as possible... but yeah, you get the idea. I almost threw up at school and that was the end of meat-eating for me. My family doesn't take it seriously so I basically just have to try to adapt to their eating lifestyle which is difficult because majority of Filipino dishes have meat in it. But it's my choice and I just wish it would be respected.
3. I've recently moved into my new home! It was hell moving it, I'm telling you. We have four flights of stairs, with three floors, and that doesn't seem bad, right? But carrying furniture, being clumsy, and constantly forgetting things downstairs... it's a pain in the arse! Overall, I'm loving it. However, my mom's quite clingy to it and it's impossible to do certain things... sometimes like sitting on the couch (because it's a brand new couch). I understand but I just love laying on couches so I guess it'll take a while for her to settle down, as must I. My room is Paris themed and personalized with some Ed Sheeran posters. In the pictures below was before the personalized items, (however this is just a glimpse, I will soon make a room tour post wee!):            
4. So aside from moving in, I've also had a house warming... which was extremely stressful and I did not like it at all. I did not realize how difficult it was to entertain people especially when some of your friends don't even know each other. It was exhausting and it was an alright experience. Most of the day/night I really just wanted to be alone and sit by my Christmas tree (which I have already put up in the beginning of November) and do some reading or sketching. Things I find very interesting and entertaining is extremely BORING to everybody else. I struggled the entire night keeping everything in check and just didn't feel good enough or couldn't please anyone. I know... we're not here to please people but what a great feeling it is when you do... I got to see my friends, but I felt like part of me wasn't really present, but I'm glad I saw them. I got to doll up a bit too, which was lovely because I love dressing up for occasions (but don't get me wrong, I love being all slouchy and lazy too!) At the end of the night, it was a horrid cleaning experience. I absolutely love and hate hosting events... overall I was just a bummy girl yesterday, I apologize to anyone who was affected by it. My mom also snuck in that we were somehow celebrating my birthday as well...and people brought me presents. (Not to mention, my birthday was two months ago, haha, my mother is so silly!) I will review some of the new things that I have also been trying out in a new post! Anyways.... My look from yesterday is attached below!

(I will personally post the items in my room in my room tour post coming soon!)

Black lace dress (H&M), necklace (Le Chateau), lipstick (Revlon)

nails (Essie), glasses (Rayban), foam curlers used (Dollarama, yes... they're brilliant)

SO HAVE YOURSELF A MERRY LITTLE CHRISTMAS NOW! (Sorry, it was playing and I could not just belt it out in this blog post!) 

<3 Little Mer

16 Small Steps to Happiness

"1. push yourself to get up before the rest of the world - start with 7am, then 6am, then 5:30am. go to the nearest hill with a big coat and a scarf and watch the sun rise.

2. push yourself to fall asleep earlier - start with 11pm, then 10pm, then 9pm. wake up in the morning feeling re-energized and comfortable. 

3. erase processed food from your diet. start with no lollies, chips, biscuits, then erase pasta, rice, cereal, then bread. use the rule that if a child couldn’t identify what was in it, you don’t eat it.

4. get into the habit of cooking yourself a beautiful breakfast. fry tomatoes and mushrooms in real butter and garlic, fry an egg, slice up a fresh avocado and squirt way too much lemon on it. sit and eat it and do nothing else. 

5. stretch. start by reaching for the sky as hard as you can, then trying to touch your toes. roll your head. stretch your fingers. stretch everything.

6. buy a 1L water bottle. start with pushing yourself to drink the whole thing in a day, then try drinking it twice.

7. buy a beautiful diary and a beautiful black pen. write down everything you do, including dinner dates, appointments, assignments, coffees, what you need to do that day. no detail is too small.

8. strip your bed of your sheets and empty your underwear draw into the washing machine. put a massive scoop of scented fabric softener in there and wash. make your bed in full.

9. organise your room. fold all your clothes (and bag what you don’t want), clean your mirror, your laptop, vacuum the floor. light a beautiful candle.

10. have a luxurious shower with your favourite music playing. wash your hair, scrub your body, brush your teeth. lather your whole body in moisturiser, get familiar with the part between your toes, your inner thighs, the back of your neck.

11. push yourself to go for a walk. take your headphones, go to the beach and walk. smile at strangers walking the other way and be surprised how many smile back. bring your dog and observe the dog’s behaviour. realise you can learn from your dog.

12. message old friends with personal jokes. reminisce. suggest a catch up soon, even if you don’t follow through. push yourself to follow through.

14. think long and hard about what interests you. crime? sex? boarding school? long-forgotten romance etiquette? find a book about it and read it. there is a book about literally everything. 

15. become the person you would ideally fall in love with. let cars merge into your lane when driving. pay double for parking tickets and leave a second one in the machine. stick your tongue out at babies. compliment people on their cute clothes. challenge yourself to not ridicule anyone for a whole day. then two. then a week. walk with a straight posture. look people in the eye. ask people about their story. talk to acquaintances so they become friends.

16. lie in the sunshine. daydream about the life you would lead if failure wasn’t a thing. open your eyes. take small steps to make it happen for you.”

via Tumblr

101

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?

No. I don't think so. 
2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?

• I am 18, silly. 

3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?

• This morning. It's always such a mess at home in the morning and everything is oh so hectic. But I was happy that I didn't have to stay for that. 

4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?

• I always do! What harm could it do? 

5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

• Um. Well. Maybe myself. I don't like feelings, you know?

6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?

• Almost every song I listen to reminds me of somebody in my life. A lot of people actually.

7. What exactly are you wearing right now?

• Black stretchy jeans, calf high coffee coloured boots, maroon U of T hoodie and a blue jean jacket. 

8. How often do you listen to music?

• 25/8

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?

• Jeans because I have more of it, but at home I wear a lot of pyjama pants and boxers. 

10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2013?

• It is already 2013 and yes, my life has already changed dramatically. 

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?

• Depends... It's hard for me to start up a conversation but once I'm in it, it's very easy to keep conversing. So I'm both. 

12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’?

• Nope. 

13. What about ‘R’?

• Nah b. 

14. Can you drive a stick shift?

• Yes... however, I don't even have my g1 yet. Woops.

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?

• Not really. Unless you're my "best friend" and probably if I find out we wouldn't be friends anymore by then. And if it's my family, yes. 

16. Are you going out of town soon?

• Nope. :( 

17. When was the last time you cried?

• Last night because of darn Teen Wolf.

18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?

• Yes... love doesn't have to always be romantic, remember?

19. If you could change your eye color, would you?

• GREEN

20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?

• Nah... sowwy not sowwy 

21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.

• I have a French test. 

22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?

• Very cute.

23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?

• Nope. 

24. What are you sitting on right now?

• A cushioned study chair.

25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?

• My friends.

26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

• You mean right now? ... ha ha boi ha ha

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?

• The person I can't have. 

28. Do you get a lot of colds?

• YES. IT'S RIDICULOUS. 

29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?

• I'm wearing an Ed Sheeran t-shirt under my hoodie and my friend got it for me from his TO concert last year :)

30. Does anyone hate you?

• I don't know, I don't care. Probably.

31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?

• I don't have my own bedroom yet. :( If anything, I'd say they'd be Smirnoff lime! 

32. Do you like watching scary movies?

• YES, I LOVE THEM. I actually laugh more than I get scared when I watch them tehe.

33. Do you want your tongue pierced?

• No, they look uncomfortable. I'd like a belly piercing though... probably will never get one cause I'm scared of holes... *lol sounds funny*

34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?

• First year of high school.

35. Did you have a dream last night?

• Yeah. About rain and how my rain boots were a portal to my closet... I don't even know. Honestly, weird dreams.

36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

• I don't know. I seldom say it, the entire "I love you". When I do say it, I usually mean it because when I try to say it I feel uncomfortable. I always stick to "love ya". Haha.

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

• Probably not. 

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

• Nobody likes me. :) ...at least in that way!

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

• I wish! 

40. Did you have a good day yesterday?

• Yes, I did. Quite. 

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?

• Nope. Relationships are okay. Not something that big to fuss about to be honest. I mean if we're so caught up in relationships providing happiness for us... maybe we have to look at what the source of the unhappiness is first. Many cases... that's ourselves. Be happy with yourself first!

42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?

• In about 3 or 4 hours I will see my best friend after 3 years. <3

43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

• Yes, but they probably didn't mean it since they're nowhere in my life right now. 

44. What’s the best part about school?

• Nothing. Kidding. Time away from people you know and meeting new ones and learning, I love learning. 

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?

• A ton. I usually upload a lot to keep my family around the world up to date with my family's lives. 

46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?

• I rarely have any classes with any of my friends. 

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?

• Constantly. Like right now. And Now... and now.

48. Were you single over the last summer?

• Yes. Dead single. I would somehow like to keep it that way.

49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?

• I believe it is so much better. 

50. What are you supposed to be doing right now?

• Aw, ya caught me procrastinating. Supposed to be studying/exercising my French for 11am. Hehe.

51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?

• I'm actually in like with him. 

52. Are you nice to everyone?

• Definitely. Even if you've hurt me, I still give my kindness but I just refrain from being involved with you anymore. Yeah?

53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

• Right now. SHEESH. Chill with these questions man. 

54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

• I'm actually a very faithful person... it's the people that I have been involved with that have hurt me in such a way.

55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?

• 90% of the time. 

56. Do you think you like someone?

• Omg seriously? Yes.

57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’?

• Yes. In like... elementary school days. Hahaha. 

58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?

• I like being friends with girls and boys. Both have up sides and both have downfalls. 

59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?

• Probably all of them because I have my impulsive days. 

60. Do you hate anyone?

• No. I may despise people but I always see the good in everyone even if I do despise them. 

61. How’s your heart?

• Vulnerable but strong. 

62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

• Yes. I can name a ton of memories. 

63. Have you ever cried over a guy?

• Yes. 

64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?

• I don't know. People who care too much about the little things. I don't really give people a reason to talk crap about me.

65. Are your toenails painted pink?

• Coral, actually! 

66. Will your next kiss be a mistake?

• I won't be kissing anyone for a long time. Unless my baby nephew counts <3

67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?

• No. Girls love it when guys are able to be sensitive or communicate at an emotional level. People get this all wrong. 

68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?

• Yes... I fell many times during Freshman year... in a kilt. 

69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?

• My mum. 

70. How do you look right now?

• Like poopoo. I'm starting to feel sick again and I LITERALLY just got better. 

71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?

• A handful of someones. 

72. Can you commit to one person?

• Of course I can. Like I said, that wasn't a problem for me when those times came. 

73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?

• Yes. Pickles, if you're reading this, 'tis you. Also Andrew, and Darrean. 

74. Have you ever felt replaced?

• Always

75. Did you wake up cranky?

• Depends on my physical condition... if it's my time of the month, I just dread the day. 

76. Are you a jealous person?

• Not crazy jealous, maybe a little envious at times but it depends on what. I'm not very materialistic so emotionally I may get a little jealous at times.

77. Are relationships ever worth it?

• If you're in the right one.

78. Anyone you’re giving up on?

• Yes. 

79. Currently wanting to see anyone?

• Yes... three hours are going by so slow. 

80. Name something you have to do tomorrow?

• STUDY. Darn exams. 

81. Last person you cried in front of?

• I don't know. It was a long time. I keep the tears to myself and the four walls of the bathroom. 

82. Is there someone you will never forget?

• Of course. We always have those people in our lives. 

83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?

• I'm guessing he cares, but it's whatever. No. Not protective. 

84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?

• She and I would cry in happiness of seeing each other after 3 years! 

85. Are you over your past?

• I'm proud to say that I am. F Y'ALL. 

86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?

• Not really. 

87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?

• The Big Man upstairs. 

88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

• To be honest, to look back at it I think I was just extremely infatuated with people. I don't consider them my first love so if they came to my door.... erks... I'd say. "Are you dumb? You're dumb. Leave me alone. You dumb dummy." But more vulgar. 

89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?

• So you mean nobody arrives at my door at 3am? Good, because I'd like to sleep. 

90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

• Yeah, well they didn't hate him. They didn't approve because they knew something horrible would happen. And something horrible did happen. But it's not like I could have just... left my feelings right? It had to happen, I'm glad it did though.

91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?

• I won't be in a relationship in 200 years. Kidding. Probably not. 

92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael?

• Yeahaaeoaeahup.

93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?

• Nadda!

94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?

• I was just talking to somebody. It was actually turning out great at that point... at least in my eyes!

95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March?

• Yeah. I was. But I don't think he was happy with me.

96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?

• Yup.

97. Who do you have texts from?

• Rizelle. Paul. Camille. Andrew. Christian. Mariz. Nina. Chris. Steven.

98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

• They already do like someone else. Gheez. These question suck balls! 

99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

• Ya, they sucked at kissing. 

100. Who’s in your profile picture with you?

• Meeeeeeeeee just me. 

101. Ever kissed under fireworks?

• Nahhhhhhh! Sounds nice though but I'd rather watch the fireworks to be honest. I'm a sucker for them. 

Little Things

What I believe makes a person beautiful are not the extravagant things that they show to the world, but the little details you see when you catch them off guard... who they are in their natural state. Not their clothes, makeup, muscles, features, etc... I know this is so darn cliche but it's something I appreciate and notice so much. The way somebody looks like when they're asleep, the way they breathe, how they wake up. The way someone looks at you, the way they speak, things they smile at. The way they treat others, their mannerisms/gestures/phrases. How they yawn, laugh, pout, blush, hide, burp, blink, speak. The way they style their hair, the way they watch movies, how they eat. We always miss these kind of things that are around us, I think we should appreciate them more. Not in a way that we tell them that we appreciate these things about him or her or whoever, because if we tell them we are "watching" them (of course, not in a creepy way), the natural-ness is lost. They may change a bit because they become conscious of themselves. This is not the point. The point is to see, instead of look, and love what we see. It doesn't even have to be in a romantic way, because this can apply to anybody in this world. It's the little things, little habits, little mannerisms that differentiate us from the person next to us. Embrace it. :)

<3 Little Mer

Unplanned Days

I believe unplanned days are the best. Last minute plans are the best. You're not forced to expect what is going to happen today it just happens and the way things happen can be such a good feeling. Today I woke up dreading today because I felt like nothing great was going to happen, that I'd just be cooped up in my room studying all day. Although I stayed home today, it was one of those beautiful stay at home days. I carved pumpkins for the first time. I usually just draw what I would want on it but this time I was on my own, drawing and carving all by myself. I was kind of hesitant because it looks difficult, and at times it is. It's a lot of work especially when you're elbow deep in pumpkin juice in windy weather! It was an awesome experience and I felt so homey. I created an Angry Birds and Jack Skellington jack-o-lantern! I'm excited to see them glow tonight! I also got a lot of work done at the same time so I'm pretty much on top of my school work which is an amazing feeling to know how productive one can be in a day. My family is also eating much healthier which makes me happy but today we decided to go all out for dinner. My sister prepared a special Indian dinner, we made some bubble tea and I baked some cookies. Days like these just don't happen so it's such a great day to document this. :)

<3 Little Mer