These Are a Few of My Favourite Things

Well... they did say that lists are great so here's one! Just about my utter most favourite feelings in the entire world.

1. When the sun shines through your window in the afternoon and warms up the carpet and you just sit there enjoying the sunlight with your favourite music on and maybe with a book and it's just great.

2. When the hot water hits your back after a long day and you just close your eyes and stand there... or when you dip your legs into your bubbly bath and just sink and... yeah.

3. Going to bed when it's raining outside and having a little Ed Sheeran play in the back with a little bit of candle light.

4. Summer breezes and sitting on the warm grass. Spring showers and watching which raindrop reaches the bottom first or jumping in puddles with rubber boots on. Stepping on crunchy leaves and collecting them and the smell of change. The way the sun makes the snow sparkle and the first steps in fresh fallen snow.

5. Floating on your back in the ocean and just staring at the sky in silence. Or collecting seashells and glass!

6. The moment after you feel the burn in your stomach from laughing too hard for so long.

7. When you continue talking with someone the entire day... and it's not just small talk. It's just "wow... you kept up a conversation with me the entire day". And they become someone you just tell everything to.

8. Singing along to The Sound of Music while wrapped around a knitted blanket with a bowl full of popcorn and candy... yum!

9. When you're at an elevation where you can see the tops of the trees or the city and the sunshine coming through.

10. Wearing your favourite pear of jeans that you wear religiously right after picking them out of the dryer... it's like somebody's hugging your legs!

I guess that's it for now. Can't wait to figure out the rest. Can't wait for someone to try to figure out the rest.

<3 Little Mer

Stargirl

She was elusive. She was today. She was tomorrow. She was the faintest scent of a cactus flower, the flitting shadow of an elf owl. We did not know what to make of her. In our minds we tried to pin her to cork-board like a butterfly, but the pin merely went through and away she flew. 

I recently started rereading the novel, Stargirl, to finish off my goal of reading 60 books per year. Besides that, it got me thinking about myself... and I never took the time to really do this. I know I've changed over the course of this blog's existence, which isn't too long, so it's amazing how quick people change (good or bad). So today, without sounding conceited, this post will be about me. I'm sure I've written many blog posts about me, facts, dreams, aspirations, goals, but I still don't feel that if my future me would read this, they wouldn't grasp who I really was at this point. Then it came to a point where I feel maybe a part of my identity has been lost... or I just haven't discovered it yet? Writing this may not even help my future self understand me, they're moreso thoughts that have crossed my mind frequently and I decided to jot them down. Maybe I should write about the reasons I do the things I do etc... I'm not sure, but here we go! 

So I have a Tumblr blog as well usually for things I find funny and photography and stuff. Just a little bundle of things that I like. Right now it's called "godiche-veritable.tumblr.com" and I haven't change the name in a while. I like the ring to it. It means "the silly truth" in French. I'm not sure why I wanted it to be that. Maybe because I believed that sometimes the truths to things are so simple and that we find it so silly because we're always looking for a more complicated truth. The title on my Tumblr is "La Mer" and that also translates into something French: the sea, the ocean, the water. It's also my name, Merissa. So I thought it was perfect because I like to compare myself as that. As Michelle Williams once said "I want to be like water, slip through fingers but hold up a ship." What I took in from that quotation was that I don't want people to hold me like they truly understand me. Like the ocean, there is so much left to discover, and with me, there's always something to be discovered. But at the same time, I'm able to support people, they are able to trust me, but that's my dilemma sometimes because they don't like to trust people who come off as a mystery to them. Even though I'm probably dehydrated for most of the day, I love water. As in, I love the way I float on it, the way it feels when it falls on my skin and how I can flow with it, and coming up from underwater. Those are three of my favourite feelings. 

I love to stay cultured. As much as there is to discover about me, I love discovering the world... through literature, photographs, films, every way possible. I believe that the more cultured you are, the more you come to appreciate the world. I don't know why there is so much pressure to be in a homogenized culture. I think we should celebrate nonconformity. So many people I know are just like some other people I know and it goes and on and on. Almost everyone looks the same, talks the same, does the same things in the same ways... because they are too worried about what everybody thinks when they don't. I think we should embrace uniqueness.

I am probably the hugest (but weirdest) hopeless romantic... because I really do not like being corny. I like being extraordinary but not in the way that is flashy and demands that everyone look at me or us. I'm not one for PDA or just in it for sex. I like the little things that people do when they're not aware they're doing them. I also don't want to be the "girlfriend or the skank". I'd like to be like someone nobody has ever met before and not because I try to be that way, but because I genuinely am someone they've never encountered. I believe in opening doors for people, smiling at strangers, kissing hands, etc. I also hate using "babe, baby, etc." I do not want to be labelled, I want to be known by my significant other. I want them to give me something to talk about because "forever is a long time to make small talk". Which means I don't really want to be with someone who's 100% like me. It'd be great to agree on things but different interests means you learn about new things and come to appreciate them. Some of the things I'd like to end up doing with my significant other include: saving up for a pick up truck and go camping in the back one day, just drive... drive anywhere, near or far, bake together, read together under the sunlight, paint fights, dancing with no music on... much more. I know, I said I don't like being corny but... I appreciate sentimental things than them being merely romantic? Does that make sense? I'm still trying to figure out a way to explain this part of me but I guess that'll take a bit more time. 

I like to get lost. Because when we're so sure on where we're headed, we usually lose focus on things that should be focused on more. Everything around us has so much value but we just.... forget it and it's sad. We should get off our devices once in a while, do things without them and just be. Be one with the world. Observe people. We should also stop complaining about life because hey... if you're alive and able to complain, you should be able to appreciate and I think we should be doing that more often. We should stop judging people by the things they possess. Materialism is out of control these days. We make the best out of what we have and judging people on that is just pointless. We should bust our big, prideful heads out of our asses and see how great life is right now. It can be better... but it can also be worse. Another way I like "getting lost" is when I'm listening to music and think that the song was written for me. I close my eyes and listen and try to picture how the song would play out, maybe something simple or maybe even something "boring" compared to the bizzaro crap you see in music videos nowadays. You just picture yourself in the song, feel the words... I don't know. You just lose yourself into the music. That's another great way of getting lost. This goes for books too!

Some days I need to be alone as well. I feel really congested (mentally) throughout the week if I don't take a day for myself. These are essential. I just need to be in my room, close the door, lay on the warm carpet, play my favourite songs, read a book, draw, blog, just do anything, for myself. Even when my week looks busy, I still need to do this at least for half a day. Take long, hot showers, put my phone away, wear my favourite pyjamas, and just lay back on the carpet. It's sort of like just peeling the band-aid off and you're just cleaning up the wound? I usually take Saturdays to do this so I'm ready to spend time with my family the next day. If somehow I can't take these "days off" then I get really cranky and moody throughout the day. Being around people 24/7 is exhausting, I understand. So I understand when other people get frustrated... they should consider this idea. It's okay to be distant, and it's okay to like it. 

Hmm... I'm not sure what else to write about. I feel much more relieved now. Hopefully soon I'll come up with more interesting, fun posts such as a room tour, the holidays, or my winter essentials. Something like that. As for right now, I'm going to take one of my famous long, hot showers that I adore so much.

Oh, and here's a list of the songs I'm really enjoying this month:

1. Friends - Band of Skulls
2. Cobrastyle - Teddybears 
3. Girls Like You - The Naked and Famous 
4. Diane Young - Vampire Weekend 
5. Anne with an E - Pains of Being Pure at Heart
6. It's Time - Imagine Dragons 
7. Jerk It Out - Ceasars 
8. Vampire's Kiss - John Gold 
9. Teenage Daydream - The Nights 
10. Silly Boy - The Blue Van 
11. Sweet Louise - The Belle Brigade
12. Someday - The Strokes 
13. My Body - Young the Giant 
14. We're #1 - The World Record 
15. Sail - Awolnation 

<3 Little Mer

The First Time

It's been a crazy couple weeks here. I've gotten a ton of bad news lately so I've just been trying to cope. The way I cope is keeping things to myself and watch movies and fantasize about things. I recently watched "The First Time" with Dylan O'Brien, who happens to be my dream boy. Whenever I watch films, I like to compare myself to the characters and see how similar I am to them or how I can relate etc. I fall in love with too many fictional characters, haha...quite sad, but oh well. Most of the time I fantasize about how I would be in a relationship. I feel like I'd be a very messy person or that nobody would be able to really handle me or things like that. I worry about these things. I know, I shouldn't, and that "there is someone out there for me" but you just can't help but wonder who you will end up with. My views on relationships and love has changed so much. I used to be into all the mushy things... and now I can barely stand them. I've grown so independent and I'm not sure if that's a setback in a relationship. I like being independent, but does it make sense that I'd like to be independent alongside somebody? Also... sex. Sex, I'm afraid of it. I believe in waiting, I believe in making it meaningful, even if it's awkward... it'll be meaningful, awkward sex... and that should be okay with both sides. (This is basically what the movie was about). I used to care about the meaningless stuff. Like random dates, cuddling, kissing, mini surprises (the things people feel obligated to do in a relationshiop) etc. That stuff is great but what I really care about now when it comes to relationships are the hobbies he does, how he likes listening to music, how he appreciates my random thoughts, what I want to eat for dinner, doing spontaneous things etc... the content of the relationship, not focused on how it's portrayed or the way we do the things we do. Just... something simple that can gradually and potentially become something simply special. (This was such a burst of random thought, not really sure where this is going). But anyways... I found a quote that just explains a lot about what I'm looking forward to...

"All I want, like in the world, is to just keep talking to you. I wanna know how your day was, where you wanna eat and I wanna argue with you. And I wanna hear all your theories, even the ones that are completely, you know, wrong. And I know it’s not that simple, but I think – no, I really believe if you just, if you’d just be willing to continue this conversation with me, then we can figure the rest out."