Just a Little Update

Currently listening to Favourite Song by Chance the Rapper

I literally have 13 minutes to write this post before I begin studying. I just wanted to catch you up on what's happening in my life. A lot has happened and I'm finding it a tad bit difficult to keep myself together because I've never been this busy in my entire life. I'm going to put this in point form...

• So I've gotten two jobs this year. One at the zoo and one at this little shoe store called Juju. The zoo is a summer job (unless I get recruited throughout the year) and Juju is for the entire year and maybe even longer. It's been hectic because I live quite far and my means of transportation is taking the bus. I live in a really suburban area in Ontario so the buses are so rare... plus I've just moved into a newly developed neighbourhood in the past year so getting from point A to point B can be really slow... which is very difficult on my part because public transportation can make me very anxious. 
• I've completed 5 exams out of 6 that I have to write. I will be starting to study for my last one in about 10 minutes, it's Management. I've bombed this semester. I was hoping for a 3.4 gpa but it looks like I'll be staying at 3.2... maybe even lower. This semester was MUCH more difficult and I already have strong opinions about the education system here so... I'm not even going to start. Anyways. I've written my French, Health, Psychology, Statistics and Religion exam. They were all brutal. 
• Speaking of which. I had my World Religions exam last night and it was pretty good. I think I did well, but let's not jinx that. However, one of my friends from the zoo texted me saying she got a call for one of her in-store orientations that night... while I was writing my exam. My phone was off, I have no caller id and during our previous orientation they told us not to call them back and that they will personally get a hold of us. That makes me really anxious. 
• Now. I have to choose what I want or what I'm planning to do for the rest of my life. I go to UTSC, and we have this thing called subject posts which is basically just a fancy way to say "declare your damn major, Merissa." I'm pretty sure I bombed the psychology exam which I really did study hard for. So if I don't get that... then I'll have to stick with psychology being my minor when I really wanted it to be my major. I'm spot on with French being one of my majors but now I'm torn in-between Environmental Science and English. I've been in ap English courses in the past etc... but it's different in university so I'm not sure. And I feel like this is a decision I have to be extremely sure about... no going back or it will cost me a lot of money. I'm not good with this university thing. 
• NBA PLAYOFFS. HOLY MOLY. I missed last night's game but it's 1-1 Raps vs Nets. I'm very proud of my boys, especially #10 *wink* Hehehe. 
• Crap. 3 more minutes. Alright. So. Yeah! 
• OMG. HOW COULD I FORGET? I'M GOING TO THE ED SHEERAN CONCERT FOR MY BIRTHDAY. I COULDN'T HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT TWO OF MY BEST FRIENDS - MERTINI. Thank you loves. My dream is coming true. Like I said, 3rd time's the charm. I missed him two years in a row... now is the time.
• Oh and I'm a dead girl tomorrow. I'm getting a little bit of art done... but I won't expose this. That's all I will say. Life is exciting. 
• I just need to find some new ways to control all this adrenaline.

Alright, that's all the time I have now. It's time to study for my last exam. 

I'm Here Now

This is one of my favourite songs at the moment. It's called I'm Here Now by Motopony. The lyrics are so soothing, the voices and the instrumental are great and makes me feel so somber. Light a couple candles here and there, grab a book... you're good to go. Here are the lyrics. Check it out. :) 

I may not have the time to give you what you need. I may not live the life that you'd like me to lead. But there's something in your smile that makes me want to try. And it's warmer in the night with someone to lay by. I know this ain't the song that you been hoping for. This road is hard and wild but it brought me to your door. I've just one thing to promise if your heart allows. I've been a rambling shamble baby but I'm here now.

So take me into your bed, lay down your pretty head. Hate me after I am gone cause I won't be here for very long.

Now I've just one thing to offer you if your heart allows. Wanderer he must travel, baby, but I'm here now.

I may not know the words that you would like to hear. I may not believe the truth that you've been holding fear. But there's something on your table that I can call it home. You know I never have a dime to gamble or a cover of my own.

Mes Pensées Endommagés

So I've been wanting to practice my French since it's something I want to pursue in the future.... however, I haven't had much time throughout my day to regularly practice. Since I do blog a lot, I decided to start blogging almost always in French. My grammar may not be as great, but damn do I feel a bit more poetic. Hahaha. Here are the first posts of my series of French proses. They are called: Mes Pensées Endommagés (My Damaged Thoughts). 

Mes Pensées Endommagés (1)

Il y a des jours comme aujourd’hui quand j’ai… quand j’ai… je ne sais pas. Je me sens vide. Je dis toujours que je serai une meilleur personne demain, mais, quand demain vient, c’est la meme. N’ai-je pas la force de changer? Je me sens la chair de poule sur tout mon corps. Mes mains ont toujours froid. C’est la negativite que mon corps absorbes. Le froid se déplace le long de ma épine et personne ne peut me rassurer.

Je suis tres ambitieuse mais avec tous ce que je fais, je commence avec rien quand… quand tout le monde est déjà en avance. Pour mettre en mots simples … J’existe, ne vivant pas. Quand quelqu’un me remarque, je leur repousse leurs gestures. C’est rare pour moi. J’ai peur. Je ne sais pas qu’est-ce que je ferai. Ce que j’ai fait hier est une déception. Mais aujourd’hui? Mais demain? Mais plus temps dans la futur? Qui vais-je être? Que vais-je devenir? Je ne veux pas savoir.

(Maintenant, j’écrirai en français. C’est une bonne pratique puisque je veux poursuivre dans cette langue. Aussi, il m’aide à exprimer mes idées de différentes façons. Et… Je voudrais aussi essayer d’écrire de la prose en français. C’est intéressant.)

Mort de rire.

- Mer  

Mes Pensées Endommagés (2)

La météo est parfait ce matin. C’est la transition de l’hiver à les printemps. Le ciel est gris, le vent est douce, et souvent, il pleut. C’est parfait, non? Oui. Je me sens confortable et douillet. Maintenant, je suis devant une grande fenetre dans la bibliotheque de mon école. Je regarde les arbres. J’ai vraiment regarde… et remarque tous les détails. C’est moi. C’est apaisante. C’est… réconfortant. Particulierement, j’aime les trajets en autobus. Vous regardez les voitures qui roulent par les routes mouillées. Et les intstrumentals de votre musique progressent. De subtile … à électrisante. Vous vous sentez l’énergie dans vos os … et vous êtes prêt pour le jour de commencer. Il peut être melancolique … mais c’est un bon type, vous savez? 

- Mer

Mes Pensées Endommagés (3)

La mer. C’est moi. Mon nom signifie la princesse de la mer. J’aime cette idee. J’aime l’idee de la mer. La mer peut vous soulever, mais peut aussi vous tirer vers le bas. Il ne termine pas… comme mes pensées. Est-elle un trou noir? Conduit-elle à un autre monde? Nous ne saurions jamais car c’est un mystere. J’aime penser que je suis un mystere comme la mer. Je ne crois pas qu’il y a une personne qui… qui peut voir ou comprendre le monde à travers mes yeux.

Comme l’eau, vous ne pouvez pas me tenir dans les paumes de vos mains. Je peux… Je peux facilement glisser. Loin. Dans le même temps, “je peux vous tenir comme un navire.” Dans de mauvaises situations, comme l’eau, je m’y adapte. Parfois, pas bien, je peux déborder … mais j’adapte du mieux que je peux. Beaucoup de personnes m’ecoutent pour leur apaiser.

Je suis un pont entre deux continents. Je crois que cette idee est une bonne idee. Il s’appelle “transatlanticism”. Une personne d’un continent veux voir une autre personne d’un autre continent… on dois aller à travers (trans) la mer (ici, Atlantic). Il exprime effort. Je crois que je suis comme ca. Il faut beaucoup d’efforts pour me connaître. Si vous obtenez du point A au point B de mon esprit… Je vous félicite.

(Il y a beaucoup de choses que je veux ecrire, mais, de pratiquer une autre langue est fatigant. Je vous envoie mes bien amicales pensées.)

Cordialement, 

(La) Mer